i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
