Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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