Duck Duck Cougar?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
