i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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