I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
