yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
