Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
