Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
