Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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