I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
