kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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