He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
