I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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