So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
