he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
