Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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