Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
