so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
not ubering you a puppy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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