i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
