Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize