Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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