so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
