the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Where is the hickey?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
