I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
