I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
