I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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