Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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