Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize