Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
