i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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