I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
