you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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