my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
