..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
