how can u be prego again
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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