I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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