and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
