First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
