Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
