maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
