I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
