I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
