Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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