He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
