member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
