We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
