No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
