i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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