She said her name was "party"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
