This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
