Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just threw up on my dentist
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
