I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
