like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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