dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
