The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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