For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
