I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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