His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
