you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
