I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
