Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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