If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
