Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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