sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
