i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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