My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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