Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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