the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
