my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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