There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
