i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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