It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
