remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
