Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
